So… I’ve had a rather interesting week.
Casey tried to connect with me on LinkedIn on Wednesday.
Casey as in THE Casey. The one who I met on my 23rd birthday and fell hopelessly in love with. The one I had a crazy long distance relationship with. The one I loved with every ounce of my being.
The one that thought deleting me from social media and not answering my texts but then sending me a few sentences in an email on “why he did what he did” a few months later was an acceptable way to break up with me.
The one that broke up with me for no apparent reason.
The one that made me want to set myself on fire and watch my skin turn to ash as a way to relieve the pain I was feeling.
The one that broke me.
The one who wanted to get back together a few months later because they realized they made a horrible mistake.
The one I forgave.
The one that scared me.
The one I trusted.
The one my soul hungered for.
The one I was addicted to.
The one I swore was a gift from God to share my forever with.
The one who cheated.
The one who got engaged.
The one who got married.
The one with no apologies.
The one that suffocated me.
The one I would have gladly died for.
The one that made a mistake.
The one that got away.
The one that ruined my life.
The one that’s still married.
The one that just won’t go away.
Yes, that Casey.
My first instinct was to almost laugh at it. I couldn’t believe how pathetic the whole thing was. The ex from hell whom I refuse to talk to trying to add me on LinkedIn because he probably thinks that’s his best chance at staying connected with me. It’s barely a step above MySpace.
I let it sit in my inbox for a couple of days. I wanted him to know how it felt to wait. How it feels to not know. How it feels to try your hardest to reach someone who couldn’t care less about you.
I debated on whether or not I should accept it. I couldn’t bare the idea of going down this path and ending up crushed again. But a part of me wanted to be able to flaunt and dangle my successful career in front of his face to show him just to show him all that I can and did do without him; to show him just how much I really don’t need him.
The last time I talked to him was in October after ignoring a series of Facebook messages from him (we are not Friends on Facebook; he sent messages to my Facebook page). He told me he was miserable and that his wife didn’t appreciate him (there’s a feeling he’s taught me quite a lot about…). He called me the one that got away and said he had no one to blame but himself (no…You don’t say?). After I ignored 5 or more he finally made the mistake of saying, “I wish you would talk to me. I miss you.”
But I didn’t want to hear it.
In the past I may have been different. More trusting. More forgiving. More understanding. Excited to hear from him. Excited at the possibility of getting back together.
In the past I would’ve had hope.
Because I loved you.
I can forgive many things but I can’t forgive you for marrying her. Especially not when you’re still married.
I told Casey off when I received that message in October. It was like every wound on my heart had been reopened and this time instead of having a heart of love, I had a heart of pain ready to attack before it even stood the change of taking on any additional pain.
This is what I said with his response at the bottom:
I thought that settled it. I never imagined this would still be going on now, another 2 months after sending that message and just a few days after he “celebrated” his 2 year wedding anniversary with his wife. Actually, thinking of it that way makes me sick. For someone that claims so much to be a “disciple of Jesus” you sure haven’t mastered the whole “Love thy wife” part…
I accepted Casey’s LinkedIn request a few days after he sent it. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s a part of me that wanted to show him just how much I didn’t need him. Maybe I had hope still for him for some reason. Maybe I wanted something to happen. I don’t know.
But when Casey followed me on Twitter the day after, I know how I felt: scared.
Scared that this was all going to start over again. Scared that a marriage was ending and I’d be to blame. Scared that I was going to ruin the life I’ve gotten comfortable living – alone. Scared that this time would somehow be the worst than the last two times.
I thought about everything very deeply. For a few days, I couldn’t sleep. On the one hand, it was the same old, same old and I’d be a fool to go back to it. On the other hand, what if this was the one time things were going to be different and I was giving up on the one I was meant to be with?
I thought about it over and over and over and talked with some friends. And this is what I learned:
He didn’t love me.
He didn’t love me before we started dating, after we started dating, after we met, before we met, when we met, or now.
I loved him more than anything.
But he didn’t love me, nor will he ever.
No matter what you do for someone, regardless of how much you love them, you can’t make them love you. It doesn’t work like that.
And it’s not worth my time or energy any more and things aren’t how they were when I was 22. One of us is married. The other one is in a deeply committed relationship with work and school and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone stand in the way of reaching my goals.
When I was 22 I had the whole world in front of me. I worked as a crummy cashier at the local Walmart begging for an escape. I thought you were that escape. There was nothing in the world more thrilling and exciting than being a 22 year old new college grad with a 32 year old long distance boyfriend. When I graduated I was so excited about the possibilities and what the future held not just for me, but for you, too; for us. I thought we’d take over the world – travel together, open a business, be our own boss. Be entrepreneurs and both business and life partners.
But it’s not what you wanted, obviously.
You were selfish back then.
Now, it’s my turn to be selfish.
I want to earn my MA.
I want to work 2 or more jobs at a time.
I want to dedicate more time to my church.
I want to study hard and harder and earn a Ph.D..
I want to teach.
i want to write and publish a book.
I want to move to Philly.
I want to move to Cincinatti.
I want to big time editor for some fancy NYC magazine.
I want to move to California.
I want to work 80 hours a week because I can.
I don’t want anyone to tell me who to be or what to do.
I don’t want to waste my time on you (I’ve wasted too much time already).
I want to be selfish like you.
I feel no guilt.
I feel no shame.
No sympathy for you.
We’re not meant to be together.
You’re not my lover.
You’re not my friend.
You are most certainly not “the one”.
And you don’t love me.
Because you don’t leave the people you love.
You don’t destroy the people you love.
And it took me awhile,
But I don’t love you like I did yesterday.
And I’m tired.
And I’m sick.
And all the hell you put me through.
And I’m done.
I’m so, so, so, done.
And so, so, so ready to go on being a little selfish and to live this life without you.
And here is what I want from you:
Please. Please. Please.
LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
I have nothing more to say to you that hasn’t already been said.
This has burnt up in flames many times over.
It’s time to leave the the ashes along so the dust can settle
And this can finally, finally, maybe die and be over with.
This is my most recent picture with my boyfriend Larry. We were at a Danny Gokey concert in Vineland.
There’s no secret that I love my boyfriend. I talk about him constantly to anyone who will or won’t listen. If you haven’t heard about my boyfriend by now, you must be living under a rock. He’s pretty great. He makes me really happy and is my best friend. He’s also taught me a lot of important life lessons. Here are 5 of my favorite lessons I learned from my boyfriend.
1. Don’t rush anything. My boyfriend and I never rushed anything with out relationship. I’ll admit that sometimes it took some getting used to on my end. Prior to meeting my boyfriend I had 3 or 4 failed relationships. They never lasted long and everything happened so quick it often felt like a blur. Things were different with my boyfriend. We started talking in May of 2014. We took our time to get to know each other and become friends. We met online and didn’t meet in person or have our first date until September 1st. Things went great and we continued to see each other, but we didn’t make things official until the end of our third date and we didn’t share our first kiss until our 5th or 6th date.
Some people have asked us about our future plans. We definitely see ourselves making a future and being together for a very long time — but at the same time there’s no rush. There’s no need to rush through our lives. We need to take it one step at a time…which leads me to my next life lesson learned through my boyfriend…
Larry and I at Freightland in Delaware. It was so cold that night.
2. Live in the moment. I can be really bad at this. I focus a lot on my past and bad things that happened and I focus a lot on the present and the future I want to create. I have a really hard time living in the present and enjoying the current moment and taking it for what it is. My boyfriend helps me to stay grounded and focused on the present. When I get too negative thinking about the past he reminds me we’re in a new year with a new fresh start — the past needs to stay where it belongs — in the past. As for the future? We’ll definitely get there, but there’s no need to rush. We need to take time to enjoy this present moment, too. It only comes once.
This was our first picture as a official couple, hours after leaving Wheaton Village.
3. Life is too short. I don’t mean to be depressing, but for as long as I can remember I wanted to die very young. The thought of living a day past 50 horrified me. (Mom I apologize ahead of time for bringing this up again. Lord knows you’ve yelled at me hundreds of times for saying this). I was very close with all of my grandparents and watching them grow old and die was heartbreaking and not something I ever wanted to go through or put my loved ones through. Dying young and suddenly seemed to be the solution.
But when I met my boyfriend my views started to change. I began to see that life is actually really short and moves too fast. We need to appreciate every moment and enjoy it all and not rush for death. I’ll never forget my boyfriend and I’s third date (mainly because it’s the day we became official, but that’s another story). We went to Wheaton Village and were walking around and being silly, acting like the two big kids that we are and having a really great time. I told him, “This is what I love about you. You love to have fun. Everyone else says I’m immature when I want to have fun and that I need to grow up.” And he just looked at me and said, “Life is too short. You should have fun.” I never forgot that.
Larry and I in Smithville right before Christmas.
4.Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’ll be the first to tell you two things: 1. Absence sucks. 2. Distance sucks. But as much as I hate to admit it, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. My boyfriend and I don’t live very close to each other. He lives in Quinton and I live in Washington Township…it’s around an hour away. Due to our work schedules, we normally only see each other just once a week. Because we can’t see each other as often as we’d like, the time we do spend together becomes more special. We always get so excited when we see each other. If I’m seeing him on Saturday I often struggle to fall asleep on Friday because I get too excited to sleep. I’m like a kid on Christmas.
My boyfriend is a truck driver. Currently, he’s training and has to do 275 hours of driving. It should take about a month and a half. He’s been gone for two weeks and I miss him so much. Sometimes I call him and just cry. It’s very hard and I miss him so much. And I still have several weeks to go before I can see him again. But I know that the next time I see him will be the best time I’ve ever seen him. I’ll hug him a little tighter, kiss him a little harder, and love him even more. I’ve already warned him I’ll probably tackle him when I see him next. Being away from each other for so long will just make us appreciate each other and our time together more even more.
Another picture of Larry and I in Smithville
5. Honesty is the best policy. My relationship with my boyfriend has always been founded on honesty. It’s not always easy to come clean and be honest about our lives, where we’ve been, where we are now, but it’s a necessity. I won’t go into details, this is for us to worry about. But there’s been nights when we first got together where I really opened up to my boyfriend, poured my heart out, and became outright vulnerable. I had to ask for forgiveness of past mistakes, and my boyfriend was more than willing to give it to me, no questions asked. The fact that we can be open and honest with each other has allowed us to build trust and become even closer to each other.
And not only are we honest about our relationship with each other, but with others as well. We met online, and though he’s not the first person I dated online, this is the first time I can come out and say “Yes, I met my boyfriend on OKCupid.” Because as my boyfriend taught me, why hide it? There’s nothing to hide or be ashamed of with it. In 2015, is it really worst to meet your significant other online than in a bar? We never did anything wrong meeting online. Was it risky? Yes, it was, but so are all relationships. I just know that OKCupid is what helped me meet my best friend and the love of my life.
Larry and I at the Newsboys concert in October. This was one of my favorite dates. I told him I was in love with him that night.
6. There is no “I” in “Team”. My boyfriend taught me to view our relationship as a team effort right from the get-go and I’ve always loved that. He always said we’re teammates and we work together to love and support each other — and we’ve always done a great job with that. We’ve never really had an argument. We work through life’s trials and tribulations together as a team.
I told him I was thinking about getting a cochlear implant in the end of September. We’ve been dating for about two weeks at the time. I was implanted in November, after being together for just two months. He’s been there every step of the way. Even when I had stitches in my head, was too dizzy to walk, couldn’t stay awake for more than a half hour at a time, couldn’t hear anything, and couldn’t wash my greasy hair for 10 days, he was still supportive, loved me, and told me I was beautiful. I had to heal for a month before being activated and couldn’t hear. I didn’t want to go out or do things and I couldn’t listen to music or watch movies. I wasn’t much fun, but we still made it work. He was patience, loving, understanding, and an amazing team player.
Now it’s my turn. He’s away for training for his new truck driving job with Werner. I have to be understanding of him being away for long periods of time including holidays like Valentine’s Day. It’s hard, but I know in the end it will be worth it — this is his career and his future and it makes him happy. Some days I get really emotional, but I try to support him the best that I can and I let him know that I’m proud of him and I support him and can’t wait to have him back home. We are a team and we’re in it all together.
Larry and I at a Halloween party at his Aunt’s house. We dressed up as teammates… You can’t see it too well but our shirts match. I’m Apple Sauce and he’s Awesome Sauce (our nicknames for each other). I was number 13 (the date we started dating… September 13th) and he was 75 (Sometimes we say 14375 or 14355 to each other… 14375 is “I love you Awesome Sauce” and 14355 is “I love you Apple Sauce”. )
My boyfriend is the greatest man I ever knew. On Friday, the 13th we will have been together for 5 months — my longest relationship ever (also his, but it’s been his longest relationship since month 2 lol). He’s taught me a lot in these past 5 months and I know we’ll learn many more important life lessons together in the next days, months, and years we spend together.
Image Credits: Raychel Mendez
Last week I read an article on Thought Catalog by Aiz Alegre titled “Loving You Was Worth The Heartbreak”. I can’t get this article off of my mind. It was so perfect. It described everything I felt, and still do feel, for Casey so well. I had to double check the author’s name on more than one occasion to make sure someone didn’t publish something I have written. It was absolutely something I’d write and very similar to the blog posts I already wrote regarding my relationship with Casey.
Some of my friends were a bit less than happy with me for posting a link to the Thought Catalog article and talking about how much I related to it, how it described everything I felt. But here’s the thing: I do believe Casey was worth all of the heartbreak and pain he brought on to me. I will never regret our relationship. And I don’t think this is a bad thing at all.
I can’t begin to describe everything I felt, experienced, and been through regarding my relationship with Casey. At best, I can only attempt, but I don’t believe anyone else will ever fully understand or comprehend how much Casey meant to me or the impact this relationship had on me, how or why it was different from anything I ever experienced, and why, despite all of the pain, I still feel it was worth it.
Here’s the thing, Casey broke my heart and screwed with my emotions. He did some screwed up things that I will never fully comprehend and I no longer know what was or wasn’t real.The only thing I know for sure is that I was crazy about him…crazy in love with him.
When we broke up I felt pain like never before. I felt utterly broken. I’m pretty sure I felt all 7 stages of grief 10xs over. I cried. I broke things. blogged. I felt anger. I felt okay. I felt happy. I accepted it was over. I begged him to take me back. We worked on getting back together, and everything repeated itself several times. It was a rollercoaster.
I have now finally accepted that this is truly over and done with. We will never get married. We will never bear children. We will never have our happily ever after. But that’s okay. I loved and I lost, but it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
I learned a lot from my relationship with Casey, and I’m still learning everyday.
The three most important lessons I learned are:
1. Love is not sex. You don’t have to have sex to love someone. Love in itself should be enough. I never have felt a deeper form of love than what I felt for Casey. We obviously weren’t having sex considering we couldn’t see each other being 1,000 miles away. Love was enough…for awhile, anyway.
2. Never settle. Casey was everything I ever wanted in a partner…or at least I thought he was. It was the perfect relationship until he left. That kinda ruined things. But I haven’t dated anyone or really even looked too closely at anyone since we broke up. No one has compared — everything has been a huge step down. Why am I going to settle for something that isn’t truly going to make me happy? Something better than Casey exists and in time I will find it. Why bother wasting time on things that I don’t want, that won’t make me happy in the mean time?
3. Regret nothing. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Never regret something that once made you smile. Life is a never ending learning experience. Everything happens for a reason. I needed Casey in my life at this time for a reason. I learned a lot from Casey. Yes, it didn’t last. Yes he broke my heart and practically destroyed me. But yes, I would also do it all over again in a heart beat. Casey confirmed what I always suspected, what I wanted so badly to believe to be the truth. I know it is the truth now — it is absolutely possible to fall madly, stupidly, passionately in love with someone. To be completely attracted to them based on the person they are (or I guess it’s more appropriate in this case to say the person I believed Casey to be, since I’m not sure what was or wasn’t real…). To be in love with their soul and to fill a spiritual connection…as if your two hearts, souls, emotions, everything is completely in sync with each other. Love does not have to be a physical thing at all…it is so much more.
My relationship with Casey was amazing, but it didn’t last. When it ended it was painful. Very, very painful. But I know it’s over and done with and the pain is finally starting to reside. What I had with Casey is the kind of thing most people could only dream of having…the kind of thing you only read about in books. But it was real, very really, and I don’t and never will regret it.
On a more positive note, Casey is not my Prince Charming. He is not the one.
Something…someone better…is out there for me. I will get my happy ending in time. And if what I had with Casey was a magical, wanderlust of a love story, well, no words have been invented to describe the next chapter in the (hopefully) everlasting love story. I’m excited to find it when the time is right, though.
In short, Casey, it’s done. It’s over with. It was amazing. It was painful. It was amazingly painful. But it was worth it. Loving you was worth the heart break.
This past Halloween was not fun. I was in the process of moving and feeling 24344334 shades of blue.
Casey and I were broken up. We were not speaking. Or actually I guess I should say he wasn’t speaking to me. And it hurt. A lot.
We spoke about Halloween in months passed. He was so excited about it. He recently discovered Dr.Who and was obsessed. He wanted to be the doctor for Halloween and I was going to be the tardis…well so he thought. I definitely wasn’t keen on dressing up as some stupid blue box for Halloween especially since I never even seen Dr. Who before. But I tried to negotiate by offering to be a companion or something else. I honestly just wanted to make him happy and was honored to be a part of his plans. He didn’t have a good childhood and never had a chance to dress up for Halloween. His dad didn’t approve of it and hearing that mad me so sad. I wanted to help him make up for his loss childhood. Plus, since we couldn’t physically be together on Halloween, this would help us create a sense of belonging and connect even while over 1,000 miles away.
The fact that Casey and I were broken up and not on speaking terms and therefore not participating in our planned Halloween together crushed me. I was very depressed on Halloween. I called it a night at like 8pm. I didn’t really celebrate at all. I did, however, write a letter.
Despite being completely screwed over by Casey, I couldn’t quit him. He was my favorite drug and I was quite the addict. When he left he did so without any explanation at all which I think was the hardest part for me. I needed closure. I needed reasoning. But I had nothing.
In an attempt to find closure, to get an explanation, a reaction, or at the very least, say all that I needed to say…I wrote a letter on Halloween. This is what it said:
I shouldn’t be writing this email. My friends would kill me for this. But they don’t understand.
I’ve written this email in my head about a thousand times. I keep fighting the urge to put it on paper and hit send…but well, here’s the word document…here’s the text that keeps expanding. Whether or not it makes it to the save button, or gets copy and pasted into gmail and makes it to you…well…that’s to be continued.
And whether that all happens and you choose to open it…that’s also something I’m unsure of, but I’m expecting the answer to be a no. I’m expecting this to go straight into the trash folder, completely unread. That breaks my heart so much, but its reality. It’s how things are now, despite how much I try to convince myself things are different.
We broke up over 4 months ago. That’s almost as long as my longest relationship lasted. But it hasn’t gotten easier. It gets harder. I haven’t even bothered to look at anyone else. My friends think I’m stubborn and stupid. Some of them tell me I’m holding onto a dream or something that’s make belief or not real. I guess she’s trying to help or look out for me…but she doesn’t get it.
There’s you and then there’s the rest of the world. The world is ugly. The people that are in it, a majority anyway, are ugly. I’ve been with ugly people. I’ve been in toxic relationships. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have. Things happen that should not have happened. I don’t want to make those mistakes again. I feel like I’m the only one that sees mistakes at mistakes though. Everyone else sees it as a part of life.
Things with you were different. I loved you. I still do. You were everything I always dreamed of having. I missed you so much when you went home to Florida. But I knew (or I guess now the way to say this would be thought I knew) I would see you again someday. I don’t think I stopped believing that yet.
I could be myself around you. I never felt pressured. I never felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t. The only thing I hated about being with you was time. It never stopped moving and I never had enough time with you. I wish I could have paused it. We spent just three days together, but I replayed every second of those days in my head a thousand and one times. It’s like having a film that never stops playing.
I’ll never forget singing the backstreet boys with you in the mall. Or experiencing my first captioned film at Somerdale movie theatre with you and dancing to the credits at the end. The only two people left in the theatre (which I guess doesn’t say much since there was hardly anyone else there at all). The room could have been packed and nothing would have mattered though. I knew than what I knew before. I loved you and wanted that moment to last an eternity. It was just a bliss. I was so happy with you right then.
I’ll never forget when you left. I never hugged anyone like that before. I never wanted to let go. It was so sad and so beautiful. You promised me you would be back. When we went out to dinner and I got sad because I knew we had only minutes left together. You said, and I quote, “I’m leaving the area, but I’m not leaving you.”
I know that things change. I know that things changed when you went home. But I never saw that coming.
We used to talk about a lot of things, Casey. I would kill for one of those conversations. I miss falling asleep talking to you. You were 1000 miles away, but you always felt right next to me. It was the kind of closeness you can’t even describe to another person. I miss it.
We used to talk about the future. Dreams, hopes, plans. I thought you would be a part of that. I prayed for it. I really believed one day, it would happen.
You used to talk to me about forgiveness. You were so afraid that one day you’d do something and I wouldn’t be able to forgive you. We weren’t married. Not even close to that. Of course, I had dreams we’d have that in the future. I thought you were the one.
I dreamed of you literally and figuratively. Remember how we would sometimes spend hours at night talking about all of the places we wanted to travel to, things we wanted to do? They were dreams, but I thought they were so real. I never dreamed of those things with anyone else. You’re the only one I’d want to see the world with. No one else would ever really appreciate it or see it the way you do anyway.
I wanted to marry you.
I wanted to raise children with you.
It all seemed so perfect. I didn’t want those things *now* of course. Now’s not the time for it. We need our careers. We need our individual families. And we need to see the world. But I thought in the distant future we could maybe have that. I can’t think of anyone else that would even come close to being half as great of a husband or father as you.
Maybe it’s stupid of me to think this way. But I thought maybe you felt something too.
You never told me you loved me, but I still believed it. I felt it. I can’t shake the feeling that we had something. I just can’t.
Even if we weren’t together…fine. I mean, it hurts but…
For you to not be anything at all in my life, just some guy I used to know. That’s unbearable for me right now.
My life has changed so much since you left me, Casey. In scary ways and also in wonderful ways. Sometimes even both at same time. Even when things are great I’m still overcome with a bit of sadness though because I no longer have you to share it with.
I quit Walmart. I wanted to tell you all about it. But you weren’t there.
I got a job as an Inbound Marketer. I’ve been extremely successful so far, almost more than anyone in the department. And you’re not there for me to talk about it.
You used to love this stuff…SEO, web stuff, everything.
I made an Infographic and didn’t know which program to use — photoshop or Illustrator — and I didn’t really have anyone that could offer helpful advice. You could have been that person. But you weren’t there.
My parents and I are moving to a new condo in a nearby, much nicer/safer town. We are so excited for this fresh new start in our lives. I wish I could share my excitement with you. But as excited as I am it still feels weird.
About two days before you left me you talked to me about how much you loved Cherry Hill. How you wanted to move there. I don’t mean to sound vain, but I thought I was part of that equation. I thought maybe one day you’d move there with me. We’d start a new life together.
I work in Mount Laurel. I have to go past Cherry Hill everyday on my way to and from work. I pass the hotel you stayed at everyday. It kills me.
I know things changed in your life too. You deleted me from Facebook. You deleted me from Linkedin. You deleted me from Foursquare. You deleted me from everything there is to delete me from. But you are not invisible.
As much as you try to delete me, you can’t delete the memories or what is in my heart. Sometimes I wish you could.
I know that you left your job at Lab 3 Marketing. I do not know why or how. It doesn’t matter though.
I know that you have a new job at a hotel. I am very proud of you. Are you happy? You sound happy. I hope you’re happy. That’s all I ever want for you.
I hope I don’t sound like a stalker. Yes, I googled you. I looked you up on LinkedIn. Maybe that makes me a creepy stalker. Maybe that makes me a terrible person.
I try not to be like that.
When it comes down to it, I’m just a stupid girl that loves a boy.
I’m holding on to the things I once had. The things I so desperately wish I still had.
The things I can’t believe I lost.
But they’re gone now. I will never know why. I analyzed every little detail of this situation every second of every day since you left and here’s my conclusion:
I have no idea.
I have no idea why this ended.
This never should have happened.
I still love you and I always will.
I had something really great with you.
And I’m scared to death I’ll never have it again.
I got my wish. Casey and I reconnected in January. A few days ago we made plans to travel to DC together for his spring break. We were going to use the trip to reconnect and discuss our future and the possibility of getting back together. But within about 24 hours of making plans, Casey up and left with little to no explanation again.
This time I’m done. So fucking done. Look at this letter I wrote on Halloween. Look at my previous blog posts. It’s obvious I cared a great deal and did way more than I should have to make this work.
It’s also obvious that I deserve so much better.
Have a nice life, Casey Fraites. Leave me out of it.
So it’s New Year’s Eve. I’m about to close another chapter of my life and begin a new one. I already wrote what my New Year’s resolutions are and about what I hope to accomplish in 2014. Now I’d like to look back on my best moments of the past year. 2013 was a pretty crazy year. It’s definitely had its ups and downs, but overall it was pretty cool and if 2014 follows a similar path I’d be quite alright with that. Here are my Top 10 Moments From 2013.
10. Meeting Casey In Real Life.
I think this can go on two lists: top 10 best moments and top 10 worst moments. Casey and I were randomly brought together in 2012 after meeting online through my writing for Bit Rebels. We became very quick friends and I ultimately ended up falling in love with him. For awhile we dismissed having a real relationship since he’s 34 and I’m 23 and he lives in Florida and I live in NJ. However, the more we talked the more our friendship grew and we just wanted more. It started to seem possible and like it was meant to be. We made our relationship official on April 1, 2013.
We started planning when we would meet for the first time in real life. We knew it was something we had to do it was just a matter of when. Casey was an avid traveller and used to these things so the plan was he’d visit me. Originally we planned to meet for his birthday which was in July. However, when he learned that my birthday was in May he quickly changed his plans.
Casey and I met for the first time on my 23rd birthday which was May 8, 2013. We spent the next 3 days together hanging out at the mall, seeing movies, going out to eat, and I even took him to Rowan for a book signing event. We had a great time and even though we broke up a month later, it’s something I will always remember.
9. Valentine’s Day
For those of you who don’t know Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. In 2012 I was dating a real jerk that made things really bad for Valentine’s Day. I was single for it in 2013 and couldn’t have been happier. I had off of work and I treated myself to an iPhone. I previously only had a crappy Cricket phone that couldn’t really do anything. I fell in love with my iPhone instantly. I don’t know how I ever went without it…this phone is amazing!
Here’s the first picture I took with my iPhone…notice my candy heart earrings and heart headband…I get really into Valentine’s Day!
8. Grounds for Sculpture. My mom always has off on Wednesdays and weekends. When I worked at Walmart I had off every Thursday and that was about it. One week I got lucky and had off on a Wednesday. We wanted to do something fun and different together as a family so we gave Grounds for Sculpture a try. It was such a fun day! I can’t wait to go back sometime. There’s so much to see! Here’s a few of our pictures:
7.Yellowcard Concert Yellowcard has been one of my favorite bands for years and their Ocean Avenue album was practically revolutionary for me. I listened to that album thousands of time. Pretty much every single song on it is very important and meaningful for me. When I found out that they were doing a 10 year acoustic anniversary tour for the album I just had to go. I definitely wasn’t disappointed. You can check out my full review of the Yellowcard Ocean Avenue Acoustic Tour Here. Here’s some videos from the show:
6. Commencement. I actually graduated in December of 2012, but my commencement wasn’t until May of 2013. I’ll be honest, Commencement was a little disappointing to me and I thought my community college graduation was 1000x’s better,but it was still a nice final “hoorah!”. I achieved something no one else in my family has — not just one, but two bachelor’s degrees.
5. Christmas This was the best Christmas my family and I had for a long time. It was the first Christmas in our new home and we were all happy and well. The past few years have been rough with losing family members and financial struggles. We were very financially stable this year which definitely helped, but at the same time we always remember the true meaning of Christmas. Just having a nice day together was one of the things that made this year’s Christmas so special.
4. Working at Webimax I started 2013 still working at Walmart and it made me completely miserable. I hated it. I worked very hard and pretty much all I ever got was a hard time from everyone and taken advantage of by co-workers and management. I constantly applied for “real” jobs but the job market is no joke these days. Seriously, if you’re looking for a job good luck at getting so much as an interview. My job search lead me some interesting places…such as hundreds of miles from home in the middle of nowhere also known as State College PA:
I interviewed for a digital journalist position at Accuweather. I was really late because apparently it’s really easy to get lost in the middle of nowhere. They didn’t like me and I didn’t like them much either. No surprise I didn’t get this job. I’m quite thankful for that…I was less than enthused about the idea of moving to State College.
I applied to Webimax several times over the course of 2013. The first being about two days before my trip to State College actually. I applied again when they announced they were hiring over the summer. I never gave up on them because in my heart I knew that was my dream job and where I really wanted to be.
I was interviewed for an Inbound Marketer position around the beginning of July. The interview went extremely well, but unfortunately they were unable to hire me at that time. So my job search continued as I remained a cashier at Walmart.
Then everything began to fall in place. I had an interview set up with The Christian Post. It sounded promising except for one thing…the interview was to take place in NYC on 9/11…not a time when you want to go to the city. It was also a 100+ degree day…not ideal for wearing a business suit and walking around the city…
God works in funny ways. As I was stressing over my Christian Post interview I got an email from human resources at Webimax with a job offer. I accepted immediately.
Now I have been working at Webimax since September. I love it so much. I have learned so much about the world of SEO and I always look forward to coming into work each day. My boss and co-workers are amazing. Everyone is so smart, creative, and fun. I definitely made the right choice accepting this offer and I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for me at Webimax.
3. Reconnecting with Old Friends I lost touch with a lot of friends during college especially when I transferred into Rowan. This year I started to reconnect with some and it’s been wonderful. I definitely need to give a shout out to Pam here. Pam, you’ve been a wonderful friend to me always. I always enjoy having tea with you and learning all about the cow apocalypse.
2. Moving to Washington Township I lived in Woodbury for about 9 years. It was supposed to just be a temporary thing but it didn’t quite work out that way. Woodbury’s been good for me over the years. The high school was amazing and I have many great friends from Woodbury. I love the diner, too. It’s my happy place. However, our house really sucked. Everything was broken. See:
The condo we moved to in Washington Township is much nicer. Nothing’s broken, we have counter space in the kitchen, we have a dishwasher, washer and dryer, and even a sunroom! The area is much more quiet, peaceful, and safe as well. I frequently go for walks around town and morning runs. Here’s some pictures of the new house:
1. Meeting Sean Forbes Seriously though, did you expect anything else to be #1? Sean Forbes is absolutely amazing and meeting him was everything I hoped it would be. I love all that Sean is doing for the deaf community. He has so much talent and is just amazing. I saw his show at The Rotunda in Philly back in October and it was just amazing. I loved the vibrating stage and how he signs and everything it was just great. I got to talk to him before and after the show and he was such a sweet heart. He actually remembered me by name through Twitter! I was amazed that he remembered! He definitely cares about his fans!
2013 was a pretty cool year. I’m really looking forward to what 2014 brings!